i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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