one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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