The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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