he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
