She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
