guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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