Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
