He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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