i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize