I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I know her cup size but not her name....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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