I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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