My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
