You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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