Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
