How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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