am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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