considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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