remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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