i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
