All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
