Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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