Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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