first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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