I wish I only lived at night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
