if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
