with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
