it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
