shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
