I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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