those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
