The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize