too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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