Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
