the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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