It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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