i already hear my dad disowning me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
