Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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