You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
