I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
