I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
