My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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