Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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