If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
