If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
