How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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