Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
