oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
