I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
