My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
