I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
