Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
