just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
