If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
