Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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