you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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