areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
