Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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