thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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