Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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