YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
