Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize