first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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