So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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