can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
