I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
