my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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