The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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