My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
