a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
